Another argument for being present
The author realizes that he's already living in Hawaii
When I first started meditating, I was pretty confused on what was supposed to be happening. The gurus and influencer types say things like reducing anxiety and improving focus.
But to me, meditation was a black box that couldn’t be measured. At least when you exercised your body you would slowly see fitness improvements. I however have never been able to measure my lack of distraction (in fact measurement would ironically be distracting in itself).
Meditating was rather relaxing though. I would sit down, close my eyes, work on my cross-legged flexibility and stillness, and listen to the birds chirp around me as I imagined myself surrounded in a rainforest setting.
This imagination pleased me. And it fulfilled all of my existing pretenses of what feeling sage was like. And so I came to believe that meditation made me feel better because I could 1. give myself some dedicated relaxation time and 2. tell myself I meditated therefore enforcing the placebo effect.
But still some smart people I follow seemed to believe in the more empirical effects of meditation. This is what Sam Harris writes about meditation and being present.
The goal is to awaken from our trance of discursive thinking—and from the habit of ceaselessly grasping at the pleasant and recoiling from the unpleasant—so that we can enjoy a mind that is undisturbed by worry, merely open like the sky, and effortlessly aware of the flow of experience in the present.
Some of this didn’t make sense to me. I understand the recoiling from the unpleasant, which meant breaking yourself from an anxiety loop or rumination. But on the other side, I actually do enjoy day-dreaming. Maybe not specifically day-dreaming but at least letting my mind wander down a rabbit hole while I’m walking or driving on the highway.
This happened to me on a hike last month in Oahu. My girlfriend and I were doing a rather strenuous hike in which I was in the daydream state again (partly as a defense mechanism from the humidity and grueling incline). And I found myself re-playing a nice perennial daydream where I sold my company Interview Query and reaping the rewards.
The thoughts kind of play out like a speed-up of planning and forecasts instead of a Vegas party or new Tesla. Instead I imagine our company hitting our growth goals in a year from now to grow IQ to some XYZ in annual recurring revenue. Then we sell it for a 2.5 to 3.5x multiple and cash out 50% as co-founder while being taxed at capital gains of 20% which results in some Y dollars with some Z dollars earned out over the next N years. On top of my existing portfolio, at the time of acquisition I’d be sitting on ~ABC dollars in net worth. This sits me at financial independence with a totally retire-able X budgeted amount in monthly expenses. Awesome I’m chilling in the retirement good life.
And then comes the imagination of my new life! Oh man what I could do with pure financial freedom. Cindy and I would travel the world while still working on things we enjoyed. I could start a new company or eventually write a book. Maybe we travel to a new place and work remotely every month. And then of course I would surf every morning and do some beautiful hikes on the weekends….
Wait, hold on a second. I had to stop in my tracks.
I currently WAS on a beautiful hike on a Saturday.
We WERE working abroad in Hawaii for three months.
I am working on my own company.
And the past week a nice swell hit and I was surfing every single morning before work!
So why in the world was I dreaming about my life in the future with an oddly specific amount of retirement money when I was living the effects of that dream now?! I snapped myself out of my 15 minute short film. I was capable of living that life. Not even capable - it was most of how my life currently was.
When we took a break on the hike, I looked around at where we were. A ridge trail with lush greenery surrounding us all the way from the top of the mountains to the city and the shores of blue in the ocean that stretched on for miles. It was already paradise.
This realization did actually help me understand why we should remain present. It felt literally inefficient to not be present. Here I was dreaming of something I already had, and I wasn’t maximizing my fullest experience in the moment. Turns out maybe I enjoyed the daydream more than the current experience.
If I was getting good at dreaming now for that future fantasy life, it’s pretty clear to me that if I hit that point in the future, I would be spending that time dreaming for even greater things. And then the dreams would never really stop.
Maybe sometimes the present can be a bit monotonous. A good day-dream is a like movie highlight reels recommended through a continuous Youtube black hole. Just continuously giving me the next dopamine rush of feeling whether it’s excitement or anxiety. But then you end up in a bad state. Like a male pornography addict that can’t get hard while having sex in real life.
Maybe some time spent kind of dreaming, whether about financial freedom or not, can be somewhat positive. If it inspires motivation to continue to work then day-dreaming, planning, and deep thinking is necessary. But there’s probably a difference between purposefully thinking and your mind unintentional wandering.
And so it’s then I realize I’m back to why I started meditation. It brings a sort of mental exercise to my brain to stay present. Like every time you bring yourself back to the present it’s comparable to your arm doing a bicep curl. It’s training for avoiding distraction and pushing for control over your brain.
Funnily enough though I stopped meditating when I moved out to Hawaii. But I’m sure I’ll need it when I get back to the mainland. For when I inevitably dream of my life back in Hawaii.